A few minor quirks

We've all got those. Here is my disclaimer, my Lewis Black tirade:
1. Don't call me and ask me directions to the last place we went together because now you want to go with *someone else* and you cant seem to find the place again and you are lost! When I put my annoyance aside and try to help you, you could get on my nerves further by giving me totally unhelpful co-ordinates - "I am outside THE Starbucks" (the only co-ordinate worse than that would be "I am at the intersection of Cross and Don't Cross"). Don't do that - please

2. To strike an "Indian connection" don't talk about elephants or cows on roads - please...don't do that..(all those "crossover" Indian movie makers who make movies about India (like Bride & Prejudice) showing elephants and cows - just pray you are not my first celebrity sighting in NY)

3. When you find out I am from Bangalore and I work in IT in NYC, in a disgusting display of global know-how and wit, dont say, "then what are you doing here?" I don't claim to know where I am going and what I am doing here, but I sure as hell don't need you to bring it up!

4. If you are hanging out with me on a Sat night and you arrive without an ID, I will enter that bar and leave you behind! What were you thinking?!

5. I like ironing, I believe its quality alone time. But when I tell you that in an attempt to show off how everything about me is not normal, dont give me that "wise-crack", "haha, maybe I should give you my shirts/blouses too". Let me just say I like to smell my shirts before/after I iron them. Do you still want me to lay hands on your clothes (with or without you? :))?